He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Randomize
