I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
