My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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