This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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