I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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