Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
