threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
