i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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