So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
