he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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