I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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