y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
