Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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