Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I want to fling myself into the sun
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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