i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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