obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
