We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I party with great urgency now.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
