Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
