The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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