Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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