Walk of Shame. In a state park.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
