Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
