Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
