I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015