Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.