Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
