hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning