Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
