I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place