id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
