she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
