hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
