Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
