She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just googled if crying burns calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize