On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
