im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
