i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize