he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
