I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
