pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I am midnight drunk by noon
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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