I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
