I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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