i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
