Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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