So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
