when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My dick has a subreddit
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
