I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
