five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
