Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
