Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
