i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I want to have your abortion
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
