LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
