At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Found your dick twin last night
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
