So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
