I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
