I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
