Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
