I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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