You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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