I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
