She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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