he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
