Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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