Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
