Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
