I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
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