Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
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I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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