I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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