Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
