Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize