All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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