You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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