My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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