I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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