I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize