This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
