I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
They have beer where we have blood.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
