he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
