Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Actions speak louder than pants.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
