theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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