he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
