today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
