im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
