Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize