false alarm. still invincible.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
